Understanding Gender - Men's mind

In the last article that i wrote, I focused on how to decode Women’s feelings .This time so as to make justice, i am going to help women understand men’s mind. Even though the platform for both the genders lies in Love, the way they express it is completely different. Now let me break down the complex theory behind the functioning of Men’s mind.

Hard Nut with A Soft Heart!

In most of the relationship the biggest problem lies in understanding each others feelings. The proverb “Appearances are always deceptive” stands correct with men.. Even though men look tough and macho on the outside, on the inside they are the ones who crave for attention from their loved ones the most. A best understandable way to put this is, Men in love are like a small puppy. When u are with them giving all your attention to them ,they feel happy and when u leave them alone, they will go to a corner and whine or do something irrational(Like breaking or tearing things in case of puppies and in case men, arguing and fighting without reasons) to catch your attention. So whenever your guy does the above, it means he is craving for your attention.

Once In A Blue Moon

One thing that most women don’t understand is that men too have expectations to be surprised by their loved one. Well, not very often but men do expect to be surprised once in a blue moon. The surprises need not necessarily be gifts but it could be something which he never expected you to do but wanted you to do (Like, you doing the planning for a date with him, going with him to a ball game, Holding his hands, A hug or a kiss when he never expected).These kind of surprises can make a man feel very happy. After all love is all about making each other feel special right?

Possessive and Protective!

When it comes to relationship, men tend to become very possessive and protective. As a result they try to block things out of the way which they feel might come between them and their loved ones. A man in love always prefers to be his woman’s one and only care taker and comforter. When someone else tries to take that position of his ,he gets possessive and protective by not allowing anyone to get near his woman. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust you.The actual meaning behind this is he loves you so much and is not ready to share your love and affection with anyone.

Emotions Are Human

In the ages of Kings, Men use to hide their emotions so as not to make their weeping wives feel much more miserable when they leave for war. And from then till now the society in which we live in have followed the same picture and have forced men to hide their emotions making them look like they are void of emotions. But the truth is like women, men too have emotions. Do you know when a man in Love feels pathetic and helpless? its when the woman he loves fights with him and puts on her short face and abandons him for a while makes him devoid of her love. Yes, men are physically strong but mentally fragile. Men don’t have the luxury of crying to vent out their emotions like women do, so they used an alternative to vent out their emotions and that alternative is Anger. So if your man is displaying anger, it means he is venting out his emotions.

Bottomline :

Men are like small babies. so as long as you shower them with your love and keep them in the shade of your affection, they will be smiling and happy.

The more you understand their love and recognize the efforts, the more they tend to change in order to keep you happy.

By,

Shriram Srinivasan

Understanding Gender - Women's mind

After a long month its good to be back.This time we are going to discuss a very interesting topic. I took up this topic as an attempt to help the guys out there who have a hard time interpreting their loved ones feelings. I have seen guys breaking their heads trying to understand what their women are actually trying to say. Well this week we will learn how to decrypt the women's feelings.

Doesn't Mean the Way It Sounded

one basic thing that we guys have to understand is that women and men think differently. It has been scientifically proved that women are emotional being while men are instinctual beings. so both men and women have a huge unbridged gap between the way their minds work.A women in love will always put her lover before her needs. women basically try to hide their likes and train their mind not to expect anything so as to avoid the disappointments in case if their guys don't do what they expect.The good example is every women like Flowers but still when their lover asks them they say that they don't like flowers and its a waste of money.

Eyes Speaks Heart's Language

Still it remains a challenge for most of the guys to understand the reason for their lover's dissatisfaction even after doing what their lover asked to. If you have the same problem,let me ask you this."Have you ever tried reading a women's eyes when they say something??".Because the answer for your problem lies in this. Yes, very classical and effective method of decoding women's feeling lies in the guy's ability to read their eyes. Its a beauty in God's creation is that women's eyes speaks their true feelings even when the words from their mouth means the opposite.Their eyes tells you the exact truth that their heart holds even if they try to hide it from their guys. Be it love or anger or disappointment or attraction or lust or expectancy or care or any x y z, you can read the truth from their eyes.


Surprises are their Christmas

Believe me or not,there is nothing that could make a women happy and satisfied better than a good old surprise from their lover. Its in the nature of women to expect their loved ones to do things for them without having to ask.Lets get back to the flower example.When a women speaks about something that she likes she has this spark in her eye even if the words from her mouth says otherwise! In most of the cases women wont directly ask for something.They just give cues and its the duty of us guys to pick up the cues and surprise them.The better you pick up the cues and surprise them the more happier your women would be.

To make you guys understand let me give a example for one such cue.Imagine a situation when your women tells " I saw a pink dress today at ABC store and it looked so gorgeous.I wasn't able to take my eyes of it ".Well this is one such cue which means i loved that dress and wish i could own them.Then if you buy her that same dress as a surprise, even though if she says "Why did you get it?I didn't ask you to buy it.It is costly",deep down in her she would be bubbling with happiness and flying in the air that you understand her needs.


Love and Embracing Makes a day

Most of the women on the face of this earth are very sensitive creatures of the God. Its a general opinion that women like money better, but how far is this true??Only a 10% percent of it is true. yes, mostly the women in a relationship give minimum weightage to how their guy looks or behaves or how successful he is, because for a women all that matters most is how well the guy treats them and how much he loves them.

When your woman tells you about the problems and tensions that she faced during the day, she doesn't not expect you to help her out with it or something, but she expects you to be little compassionate and caring by heeding ears to her and say few comforting words like "I am here for you baby".Even a hug and kiss would help a lot. Next time when your woman says "I had such a such a problem...It was a worst day of my life...nobody is here to care for me..."and the sentence of such kinds try saying "Come to me baby or darling" or go to her and give her a hug and a kiss on her lips and then say that you are here for her. After that see the smile on her face.She will forget the rough day that she had altogether. As women are very sensitive, all the words that their guy speaks have big impact on them. So to keep them happy and motivated and felt recognized,appreciate her efforts and thank her(Be it a good meal or cleaning the house or exercising to stay in shape).So as you now know how to decode a woman's feeling ,its in your hand to make a relationship happy and love filled.

Bottomline :

Women are like a calm water,even a small force(words,be it good or bad) can cause numerous ripples.

Either the increase or decrease in love they have on you is directly proportional to how much you care for them and embrace them.



By,
Shriram Srinivasan

How To Ask What You Want To Know?

My first ever mail from a reader. Thank you for all of your support.

"Hello Mr.Sriram,

I am k(real names not disclosed) from chennai doing my college. . .Landed on ur blog when i searched for articles. . I liked ur articles. . .I was thinking whether you can help me with a issue that my friend is suffering from right now. . .Her name is S. .her boyfriend is a very jovial person who has a big friends circle. . . Ltely he is showing very less interest in my friend and my friend is suspecting that he might be cheating on her. . .She doesnt know how to deal with this thought and is afraid to ask him. . .She is having a tuf time because of this. . .She has lost the interest in everything,She is doing bad in studies. . .We all are worried looking her this way. . .She fears that asking him out of doubt will ruin her relationship. . .I am writing to you hoping to get a solution. . .Thank you. . .Pls donot disclose our true names incase if u r writing a article addressing our mail.

With Love and respect

k "

The above are the actual words of our reader. Thank you for your trust in me. In your friend's case,the problem is that she is afraid to ask due to the fear of rejection and to face the truth. Its a very normal state of a human mind to project a small problem to hundred folds and mull over it. Let me tell you the reason for it.

Human Mind at Work
Basically in a human being's head there are two minds at work,one is the conscious mind and other one is the sub conscious mind. The science behind the operation of these minds is very beautiful one.Your conscious mind works only when you are awake and it is responsible for what you do at a particular moment but the sub conscious mind never takes any rest. It even operates when we sleep(It is the one responsible for generating dreams).

This subconscious mind keeps on analyzing your fears(all through the day whether you are awake or not) and generates a list of most practical and superficial possibilities. So when this list is generated, our conscious mind takes the most justified of the possibilities based on the track record of the happenings in our lives and the lives of people around us and fears over it. So in a period of time this fear in us gets exhibited through our actions and words without our knowledge and sets the stage for our fear to become a reality(This is what we call as vibe).

Take a grip
The solution for the problem is very simple. Rather giving space for all these thoughts and grinding them and fabricating a nice problem for ourselves,we can save our energy by putting all these to halt and asking our loved ones directly. But all of us out there don't know where to start and how to start. So we somehow mess things up and leaving it Hot and confused. This is exactly the time when we need to maintain our cool and not succumb to the temptation of using of words that might scar our partners.

Please always Works
The best way to asking something that you want to know is by adding a little kindness. Rather than starting with fireworks like "Are you cheating on me?" you can frame it like this "I want to talk to you about something important. Lately you are showing less interest in me. Is it because of your work ? love you so much and i want little more of your attention on me please".This second sentence would surely work as it forms a emotional bridge. Your partner will surely respond to you in a positive way making more space for love and happiness.

Bottom line

Kindness never hurts but unwanted words do(At first it may make you feel satisfied for defeating your partner but later will make you realize that you too have lost the battle because if either one of you lose then you both lose it).

Ask your partner softly about what you want to know because anger always kills love.

Never jump into hasty conclusions. Ask you partner what they have to say and then decide.

By
Shriram Srinivasan

Is Possessiveness A Serious Relationship Threat?

This week the problem that we are going to look into is Possessiveness which poses to be the derailing factor in most of the happy relationships. When u look into the minute details of this feeling which we call as possessiveness we can find a very elegant meaning "You are mine".

If the feeling of possessiveness has such a beautiful meaning then where lies the problem to derail the peace and happiness in the relationship?The answer for the above question is what we are going to see today.

Everything is Fair in Love
Like i have been saying from my first post, love is not a child's play. Its a beautiful feeling that we develop for a person over time which involves care and commitment. All of us on the face of this Earth long to find a person who would love us for whom we are.

Finding that right person for us out of the millions of people that we meet is the biggest miracle that could happen in our lives.Fortunately we have met that destined person of our life and we have fallen head over heals in love with that person.Everything is perfect with the passion and love sizzling.Its a human Instinct to protect something that they feel is rightfully theirs without thinking about the ways involved and that is what we call as possessiveness.

Liberated Souls
All the above said are just one side of the coin. The other side has its own stories and justification. In the world of relationship there is a another class of people those who like to have their personal space.Even though they love their partner so deeply in their heart they prefer to have some freedom to do what they want to do and enjoy themselves.

This kind of people are whom we call as "liberated souls".The people who belong to this class feel good and happy only when they are let to have their space. Whoever who try to control these kind of people by force will find their efforts to be futile.Again here with these people we have another human nature at play.These kind of people tend to defend their freedom with everything that they have even if the person who is trying to control them are their parents.


Meet Of The Coin's Two Faces
Now as we know about the two mindsets of the people,i believe it would be easy to drill down to the core of the problem.When the bond of relationship is developed between two people belonging to the same class, there would be hardly any chances of misconception.But that doesn't happen often.So Lets address the massive population of people like us who have a partner from the other side.

Imagine a person who is so protective over the person whom they love and the person who is so inclined to defending his freedom form the bond of love. After a few months into the relationship,one of the partner would be trying to be protective over their love and not letting anyone else (Not even friends) to harm that happy relationship(eg :Always trying to spend time with their partner ) while the other would be bitterly trying to defend the potential threat to the loss of their freedom to do what they want(eg: Not getting time to do what they want to do).Slowly the friction arises and the more they try to protect and defend the more the friction grows.At certain point the friction would be so high that it would have generated a fire that would burn down all the love between the partners.

Lubrication For Friction
Possessiveness is not that bad of a problem as we all think.A simple antidote for this is just pure Love.With love comes understanding and sacrifice,with understanding and sacrifice comes more love.As i usually say, in a relationship communication is important.Try to put down your swords and armors and try to open up to your partners about how you feel.Remember that they are the same old person with whom you madly fell in love and not your arch rivals.Stop defending yourself when they are telling you about how they feel if you truly want to know what they feel.

After heeding ears to your partner, think to yourselves about how much you value your partner's feeling and make a few little sacrifices and see.When they see the difference in you, they will understand your effort and love for them and they will try to do few sacrifices for you restoring the peace and happiness in the relationship.Remember, both protectiveness and personal freedom is good only when it is within their limits.


Bottomline:

"Possesiveness is a beautiful feeling if you learn how to exhibit and feel it."

People who are protective remember that giving some freedom to your partner is not going to hurt your relationship.If they haven't liked you then they wouldn't have got into a relationship with you in the first place.

People who crave for personal freedom remember that there is a person who loves you more than how much you love your freedom.So respect their love and try to be considerate to their needs.

By
Shriram Srinivasan

Men's and Women's Mind In Relationship Perspective

No matter who you are or what your relationship is like, there will always be temptation. Few are those who report that the grass isn't at least occasionally greener in their mind's eye. Whether it's that hottie in your office building, the old flame that got away, or the fantasy person who just happens to be sitting across from you at that airport bar, possibility - however implausible - is out there, pulling us beyond the safe haven of our partnerships.

So how do so many relationships survive when the unknown can be so enticing? Well, according to a series of recent studies at McGill University in Montreal, as much as the desire to fall in love and live happily ever after is part of our genetic make up, so too is the instinct to protect that relationship once we've found it.

It seems that our brains have built in relationship safeguards designed to prevent us from straying and protect our commitments. Perhaps not surprisingly however, these traits are more developed in women, according to recent scientific research.

The brain in love
As anyone who has fallen in love knows, there is an initial rush that comes with budding romance. This high draws you to your new amour, making it so they're all you can think about. You want to be with them all the time. You get butterflies and your heart races - sometimes without knowing why. There is pleasure just in the thought of the smell of them. It doesn't matter whether you're male, female, straight, gay or anything in between, if you've felt it, you know - it's intoxicating!

Of course you may not equate these feelings to biology, but there is a definite, verifiable chemical reaction at work. Consider the shift that occurs six months to two years into a relationship (if you've made it that far). The excitement dies down and comfort settles in. You feel bonded, committed. And this is no accident. Biologically, you're building a family.

Gender similarities
At this stage, you may think the brain is done making its mark on your romance. However, it's quite the opposite. The exact cocktail flowing through your system is no longer high octane, but it's highly effective. This is where love's safeguards kick in, along with the gender differences. First, the similarities: You'll probably always think about cheating (at least occasionally), regardless of your gender. Our sex drives are separate from our love lives, chemically speaking.

But both men and women who have reached this stage of love are far less likely to actually stray. In fact, while people in committed relationships will naturally notice an attractive outsider, unlike those who are single (or openly looking), they will not remember specific sexual details about that person - for instance body shape or facial features. Instinctively they put their partnerships (and their partners) first.

Jealous guy
Of course all is not the same in the male and female brain. And as such, it may come as no surprise that women are more natural relationship-protectors. Female brains have subconscious alarm bells regarding temptation, extra tolerance for a partner's flirtations in the face of their own and the natural inclination to avoid things that threaten their bonds.

Men, on the other hand, are less conscious of potential threats, tend to be upset by their mate's flirtations (particularly in the face of their own!) and don't naturally avoid other potential partners. That said, scientists found that a simple shift of attention automatically changes men's behavior, signaling dormant - but existent - safeguards to spring into action.

In other words, armed with the mere thought to protect their relationship when faced with an attractive alternative, they automatically avoid that alternative. The moral of the story? Men in love can be trained… or moreover, train themselves. In fact, when deeply committed, men are far quicker than women to automatically block out the alternatives, turning their attentions solely to their beloved mates. Like a chocolate lover who won't pass the candy aisle, they know their instincts and prefer to suppress the option rather than confront it, which according to the McGill scientists in this case, actually works.

In the end, it's great to know our brains are working for our love lives. Sometimes even just having the information helps. But any way you slice it, with or without the awareness (and assistance) of biology, it's up to both partners to protect and nourish their relationship.

By

S.K.Smith

To Confess Or Not To Confess?

This week we are going to discuss about one of the most pestering questions that keeps running in most of our minds. Mainly this is a predominant question in the minds of people who are in a relationship. Most of us out there feel "why to risk it when everything is perfect?" but let me tell you,relationships are not just about uttering cheese ball words and maintaining a good physical intimacy.Well all those are there but when it comes to a true relationship it mostly about accepting your partner for whom they are. The strength of the true relationship is put to acid test only during the confession of the partners. But however strong the bond of relationship is,it has proved to have fallen in most of the cases during confession.Because of the good track record of failures there is a famous say tat goes "Confession is good for your soul but bad for your relationship!" All these have created a general fear among people whether to confess to their partner or not?Do not Panic! The mistake doesn't lie in part of confession but it rather lies in the timing of the confession. Yes, you heard me.Its the timing of confession which acts as the main factor in the outcome.
From here on i am going to divide the part of article which is about to follow into two. Readers are welcome and suggested to read both the parts even if one of the part is not for them.

For Those who want to Confess about their past : The people who are thinking about confessing to their partner are the ones who undergo maximum torment by the haunting thoughts in their head. If you fall under this section then i am sure that you have shipload of questions kicking in.Let me phrase a general few of them.
"Will my confession spoil my relationship?", "Wat if i don't confess?then there is no chance of he/she to get mad at me,right?", "Am i the only wrong doer?why should i alone confess?". But never let any of these question mislead you.I will give the good reasons why you should confess,

1) You love your partner and you don't want to hide anything from him
2) Believe me, he/she would feel much more worse when the same truth about you comes from someone else.
3)You will come over guilt and have a peace of mind.
4)You will get the chance to know who your partner is and how much his/her love is, when it comes to the part of accepting your mistakes.

But as i told you before,confession can be fatal without few observations.Try to analyse the following before you jump into the confession.

1)Analyse the seriousness of the matter which you are trying to confess.
2)If its serious never throw the whole lot at his/her face(Major mistake which people do) rather start it as a general discussion and later slowly tell him tat you had a similar experience in your life(Give him just an outline).If he/she is interested in knowing it (in a caring way)then slowly unwind it bit by bit.
3)Never start the confession when your partner is already struck with other day to day tension and problems.
4)Explain him the situation in which the mistake happened and how bad you feel about it.
5)Tell him how much you love him and assure him tat it wont happen again.
6)Give him sometime to handle it.

For those who takes confession: A simple truth in life is none of us r perfect.Humans are prone to mistake.Whether be it a small mistake or a big mistake,mistakes are always mistakes. The fact that you didn't commit a similar mistake or haven't committed a mistake that would measure up to your partner's mistake doesn't make you any better.Don't get me wrong, i am not saying tat making mistakes are right but what i am trying to say is "give your partner a chance".Its quite normal to get angry when your partner confesses to you about their mistakes in their past but how well you handle your anger and how well you try to analyse their confession by putting yourself in your partner's shoes speaks out how much you value your love for that person.Few things that i would like to share with you and want you to remember are

1)Confession takes a great deal of courage than to commit the mistake
2)Confession shows how much love that person has for you and how much they value your relationship.
3) Shows your partner's belief on u tat you will understand their situation.
4)Confession shows that your partner is truthful to you and are ready to face the consequences rather to hide it from you and cheat you.

"How to handle confession?" is the next question because almost everyone is bad at it. To handle confession all you need is pure love.Remember the following

1)Listen to what they say without showing any sign of anger.
2)Appreciate their confession and let them know that you need sometime to work on it.
3)Sit and think about the good times you had with your partner and the sacrifices and other things that they have done for you.
4)Don't tell them what they have done is wrong because they already knew it and thats why they are confessing it to you.
5)Realise that they are confessing to u only cos they love u and are ready to accept their mistake and rectify it.
6)Try to forget and forgive their mistakes even if it takes time and try to comfort them.

Forgetting your partner's mistakes and accepting them for whom they are makes you Godlike and strengthens their love for you.

Bottomline: Remember none of us are perfect.Whoever you have met so far in your life and whoever you are about to meet are sure to come with a past and it not necessary tat everyone has a beautiful past like yours.All of you in a relationship,try to encourage and motivate your partner to share their past with you.Relationships yor all about accepting your partners for who they are at the present and let their pasts fly with the wind.

True love is not about how well u enjoy with your partner during good times but rather how well you understand them and stand with them offering your support during the hard time.

Confession is good for your soul and relationship with proper timing and sense involved.

Life is too short to live on the past and neglect a rare true love that you have in the present.Afterall life is all about second chances.


By,
Shriram Srinivasan

Simple and easy way to happiness In a Relationship

The problem which we are going to address today is a very common one that has a highest record for creating misunderstandings, fights and sometimes have even proved to be the starting factor for a break up!. The general complain/problem in most of the relationship is "He/She doesn't spend enough time with me!I feel unloved and unimportant because of it".To find a solution for the problem that would last in your heart forever, let me take you to the fundamentals.When a man and a women walk into a relationship,its not because they are tired of spending time with their friends or family but to find a person,a special person for themselves whom they could turn to,expect to care,share and nurture.One may wonder,when the concept of relationship appear to be so simple why it is so difficult to hold everything together to make it a fairy tale?

That's because in this fast moving world people hardly find time to relax or spend it romantically.But let me remind you all,the reason we earn,we eat,we live is to have a life.And where will we find tat happiness if we get lost in pursuit of making money??
Lets get back to the topic, a relationship can be very much alive and filled with love if you are willing to spend just 30 minutes out of 1440 minutes per day.But the problem remains tat 90% of couples find it hard to spend tat 30 minutes.Basically there are 2 category of people in a relationship which is haunted by the above problem.One who is always busy with his work,not getting time to spend time with their partner and the other who always longs to spend time with their partner but never gets enough attention.This small problem creeps in makes enough space for hatred and anger by driving the love out of your heart.But let me also tell you this,the mistake is not one sided.You heard me,Its not one sided.Not spending time with your partner and also not asking your partner to spend time with you is a mistake.One could ask,"why do i have to ask?Can't they just understand without asking?"But the reality is most of us out there doesn't actually realize tat we are actually being so absorbed to work.Listen to me, there is nothing wrong in asking the person whom u love and who you feel is yours to show little more attention.On the other hand,for the people who don't find time to spend with their partner my sincere advice is, even though you work this hard and earn to keep your partner happy, its not going to make them happy.Instead spend some time with them,hold their hands,tell them tat you love them and tat you are working this hard for them and suddenly you will find them very understanding and supporting rather than shooting fireworks at you.Communication is all that is required.

The most rarest thing that you can find in this world is a heart that truly loves you and believe me,nothing in this world would compare to love, not even a ship full of money.A healthy dose of understanding and sacrifice from both the partners is all tat takes to make a relationship a fairy tale one.

Bottomline : Those who are too busy to spend time with their loved ones just try to find atleast little time to spend romantically rather than wasting lot of time fighting and worrying later.

Those who are too hesitant to ask for attention from their loved one,just try to open your window and throw out the ego and shyness and feel free to ask your partner to spend time.Afterall they are your love.

Remember,relationships are like plants.They will grow to be a tree and bear fruits only if you are willing to spend time to guide them,nurture them.Otherwise they will dry and die.

By,
Shriram Srinivasan