How To Ask What You Want To Know?

My first ever mail from a reader. Thank you for all of your support.

"Hello Mr.Sriram,

I am k(real names not disclosed) from chennai doing my college. . .Landed on ur blog when i searched for articles. . I liked ur articles. . .I was thinking whether you can help me with a issue that my friend is suffering from right now. . .Her name is S. .her boyfriend is a very jovial person who has a big friends circle. . . Ltely he is showing very less interest in my friend and my friend is suspecting that he might be cheating on her. . .She doesnt know how to deal with this thought and is afraid to ask him. . .She is having a tuf time because of this. . .She has lost the interest in everything,She is doing bad in studies. . .We all are worried looking her this way. . .She fears that asking him out of doubt will ruin her relationship. . .I am writing to you hoping to get a solution. . .Thank you. . .Pls donot disclose our true names incase if u r writing a article addressing our mail.

With Love and respect

k "

The above are the actual words of our reader. Thank you for your trust in me. In your friend's case,the problem is that she is afraid to ask due to the fear of rejection and to face the truth. Its a very normal state of a human mind to project a small problem to hundred folds and mull over it. Let me tell you the reason for it.

Human Mind at Work
Basically in a human being's head there are two minds at work,one is the conscious mind and other one is the sub conscious mind. The science behind the operation of these minds is very beautiful one.Your conscious mind works only when you are awake and it is responsible for what you do at a particular moment but the sub conscious mind never takes any rest. It even operates when we sleep(It is the one responsible for generating dreams).

This subconscious mind keeps on analyzing your fears(all through the day whether you are awake or not) and generates a list of most practical and superficial possibilities. So when this list is generated, our conscious mind takes the most justified of the possibilities based on the track record of the happenings in our lives and the lives of people around us and fears over it. So in a period of time this fear in us gets exhibited through our actions and words without our knowledge and sets the stage for our fear to become a reality(This is what we call as vibe).

Take a grip
The solution for the problem is very simple. Rather giving space for all these thoughts and grinding them and fabricating a nice problem for ourselves,we can save our energy by putting all these to halt and asking our loved ones directly. But all of us out there don't know where to start and how to start. So we somehow mess things up and leaving it Hot and confused. This is exactly the time when we need to maintain our cool and not succumb to the temptation of using of words that might scar our partners.

Please always Works
The best way to asking something that you want to know is by adding a little kindness. Rather than starting with fireworks like "Are you cheating on me?" you can frame it like this "I want to talk to you about something important. Lately you are showing less interest in me. Is it because of your work ? love you so much and i want little more of your attention on me please".This second sentence would surely work as it forms a emotional bridge. Your partner will surely respond to you in a positive way making more space for love and happiness.

Bottom line

Kindness never hurts but unwanted words do(At first it may make you feel satisfied for defeating your partner but later will make you realize that you too have lost the battle because if either one of you lose then you both lose it).

Ask your partner softly about what you want to know because anger always kills love.

Never jump into hasty conclusions. Ask you partner what they have to say and then decide.

By
Shriram Srinivasan