Men's and Women's Mind In Relationship Perspective

No matter who you are or what your relationship is like, there will always be temptation. Few are those who report that the grass isn't at least occasionally greener in their mind's eye. Whether it's that hottie in your office building, the old flame that got away, or the fantasy person who just happens to be sitting across from you at that airport bar, possibility - however implausible - is out there, pulling us beyond the safe haven of our partnerships.

So how do so many relationships survive when the unknown can be so enticing? Well, according to a series of recent studies at McGill University in Montreal, as much as the desire to fall in love and live happily ever after is part of our genetic make up, so too is the instinct to protect that relationship once we've found it.

It seems that our brains have built in relationship safeguards designed to prevent us from straying and protect our commitments. Perhaps not surprisingly however, these traits are more developed in women, according to recent scientific research.

The brain in love
As anyone who has fallen in love knows, there is an initial rush that comes with budding romance. This high draws you to your new amour, making it so they're all you can think about. You want to be with them all the time. You get butterflies and your heart races - sometimes without knowing why. There is pleasure just in the thought of the smell of them. It doesn't matter whether you're male, female, straight, gay or anything in between, if you've felt it, you know - it's intoxicating!

Of course you may not equate these feelings to biology, but there is a definite, verifiable chemical reaction at work. Consider the shift that occurs six months to two years into a relationship (if you've made it that far). The excitement dies down and comfort settles in. You feel bonded, committed. And this is no accident. Biologically, you're building a family.

Gender similarities
At this stage, you may think the brain is done making its mark on your romance. However, it's quite the opposite. The exact cocktail flowing through your system is no longer high octane, but it's highly effective. This is where love's safeguards kick in, along with the gender differences. First, the similarities: You'll probably always think about cheating (at least occasionally), regardless of your gender. Our sex drives are separate from our love lives, chemically speaking.

But both men and women who have reached this stage of love are far less likely to actually stray. In fact, while people in committed relationships will naturally notice an attractive outsider, unlike those who are single (or openly looking), they will not remember specific sexual details about that person - for instance body shape or facial features. Instinctively they put their partnerships (and their partners) first.

Jealous guy
Of course all is not the same in the male and female brain. And as such, it may come as no surprise that women are more natural relationship-protectors. Female brains have subconscious alarm bells regarding temptation, extra tolerance for a partner's flirtations in the face of their own and the natural inclination to avoid things that threaten their bonds.

Men, on the other hand, are less conscious of potential threats, tend to be upset by their mate's flirtations (particularly in the face of their own!) and don't naturally avoid other potential partners. That said, scientists found that a simple shift of attention automatically changes men's behavior, signaling dormant - but existent - safeguards to spring into action.

In other words, armed with the mere thought to protect their relationship when faced with an attractive alternative, they automatically avoid that alternative. The moral of the story? Men in love can be trained… or moreover, train themselves. In fact, when deeply committed, men are far quicker than women to automatically block out the alternatives, turning their attentions solely to their beloved mates. Like a chocolate lover who won't pass the candy aisle, they know their instincts and prefer to suppress the option rather than confront it, which according to the McGill scientists in this case, actually works.

In the end, it's great to know our brains are working for our love lives. Sometimes even just having the information helps. But any way you slice it, with or without the awareness (and assistance) of biology, it's up to both partners to protect and nourish their relationship.

By

S.K.Smith

To Confess Or Not To Confess?

This week we are going to discuss about one of the most pestering questions that keeps running in most of our minds. Mainly this is a predominant question in the minds of people who are in a relationship. Most of us out there feel "why to risk it when everything is perfect?" but let me tell you,relationships are not just about uttering cheese ball words and maintaining a good physical intimacy.Well all those are there but when it comes to a true relationship it mostly about accepting your partner for whom they are. The strength of the true relationship is put to acid test only during the confession of the partners. But however strong the bond of relationship is,it has proved to have fallen in most of the cases during confession.Because of the good track record of failures there is a famous say tat goes "Confession is good for your soul but bad for your relationship!" All these have created a general fear among people whether to confess to their partner or not?Do not Panic! The mistake doesn't lie in part of confession but it rather lies in the timing of the confession. Yes, you heard me.Its the timing of confession which acts as the main factor in the outcome.
From here on i am going to divide the part of article which is about to follow into two. Readers are welcome and suggested to read both the parts even if one of the part is not for them.

For Those who want to Confess about their past : The people who are thinking about confessing to their partner are the ones who undergo maximum torment by the haunting thoughts in their head. If you fall under this section then i am sure that you have shipload of questions kicking in.Let me phrase a general few of them.
"Will my confession spoil my relationship?", "Wat if i don't confess?then there is no chance of he/she to get mad at me,right?", "Am i the only wrong doer?why should i alone confess?". But never let any of these question mislead you.I will give the good reasons why you should confess,

1) You love your partner and you don't want to hide anything from him
2) Believe me, he/she would feel much more worse when the same truth about you comes from someone else.
3)You will come over guilt and have a peace of mind.
4)You will get the chance to know who your partner is and how much his/her love is, when it comes to the part of accepting your mistakes.

But as i told you before,confession can be fatal without few observations.Try to analyse the following before you jump into the confession.

1)Analyse the seriousness of the matter which you are trying to confess.
2)If its serious never throw the whole lot at his/her face(Major mistake which people do) rather start it as a general discussion and later slowly tell him tat you had a similar experience in your life(Give him just an outline).If he/she is interested in knowing it (in a caring way)then slowly unwind it bit by bit.
3)Never start the confession when your partner is already struck with other day to day tension and problems.
4)Explain him the situation in which the mistake happened and how bad you feel about it.
5)Tell him how much you love him and assure him tat it wont happen again.
6)Give him sometime to handle it.

For those who takes confession: A simple truth in life is none of us r perfect.Humans are prone to mistake.Whether be it a small mistake or a big mistake,mistakes are always mistakes. The fact that you didn't commit a similar mistake or haven't committed a mistake that would measure up to your partner's mistake doesn't make you any better.Don't get me wrong, i am not saying tat making mistakes are right but what i am trying to say is "give your partner a chance".Its quite normal to get angry when your partner confesses to you about their mistakes in their past but how well you handle your anger and how well you try to analyse their confession by putting yourself in your partner's shoes speaks out how much you value your love for that person.Few things that i would like to share with you and want you to remember are

1)Confession takes a great deal of courage than to commit the mistake
2)Confession shows how much love that person has for you and how much they value your relationship.
3) Shows your partner's belief on u tat you will understand their situation.
4)Confession shows that your partner is truthful to you and are ready to face the consequences rather to hide it from you and cheat you.

"How to handle confession?" is the next question because almost everyone is bad at it. To handle confession all you need is pure love.Remember the following

1)Listen to what they say without showing any sign of anger.
2)Appreciate their confession and let them know that you need sometime to work on it.
3)Sit and think about the good times you had with your partner and the sacrifices and other things that they have done for you.
4)Don't tell them what they have done is wrong because they already knew it and thats why they are confessing it to you.
5)Realise that they are confessing to u only cos they love u and are ready to accept their mistake and rectify it.
6)Try to forget and forgive their mistakes even if it takes time and try to comfort them.

Forgetting your partner's mistakes and accepting them for whom they are makes you Godlike and strengthens their love for you.

Bottomline: Remember none of us are perfect.Whoever you have met so far in your life and whoever you are about to meet are sure to come with a past and it not necessary tat everyone has a beautiful past like yours.All of you in a relationship,try to encourage and motivate your partner to share their past with you.Relationships yor all about accepting your partners for who they are at the present and let their pasts fly with the wind.

True love is not about how well u enjoy with your partner during good times but rather how well you understand them and stand with them offering your support during the hard time.

Confession is good for your soul and relationship with proper timing and sense involved.

Life is too short to live on the past and neglect a rare true love that you have in the present.Afterall life is all about second chances.


By,
Shriram Srinivasan

Simple and easy way to happiness In a Relationship

The problem which we are going to address today is a very common one that has a highest record for creating misunderstandings, fights and sometimes have even proved to be the starting factor for a break up!. The general complain/problem in most of the relationship is "He/She doesn't spend enough time with me!I feel unloved and unimportant because of it".To find a solution for the problem that would last in your heart forever, let me take you to the fundamentals.When a man and a women walk into a relationship,its not because they are tired of spending time with their friends or family but to find a person,a special person for themselves whom they could turn to,expect to care,share and nurture.One may wonder,when the concept of relationship appear to be so simple why it is so difficult to hold everything together to make it a fairy tale?

That's because in this fast moving world people hardly find time to relax or spend it romantically.But let me remind you all,the reason we earn,we eat,we live is to have a life.And where will we find tat happiness if we get lost in pursuit of making money??
Lets get back to the topic, a relationship can be very much alive and filled with love if you are willing to spend just 30 minutes out of 1440 minutes per day.But the problem remains tat 90% of couples find it hard to spend tat 30 minutes.Basically there are 2 category of people in a relationship which is haunted by the above problem.One who is always busy with his work,not getting time to spend time with their partner and the other who always longs to spend time with their partner but never gets enough attention.This small problem creeps in makes enough space for hatred and anger by driving the love out of your heart.But let me also tell you this,the mistake is not one sided.You heard me,Its not one sided.Not spending time with your partner and also not asking your partner to spend time with you is a mistake.One could ask,"why do i have to ask?Can't they just understand without asking?"But the reality is most of us out there doesn't actually realize tat we are actually being so absorbed to work.Listen to me, there is nothing wrong in asking the person whom u love and who you feel is yours to show little more attention.On the other hand,for the people who don't find time to spend with their partner my sincere advice is, even though you work this hard and earn to keep your partner happy, its not going to make them happy.Instead spend some time with them,hold their hands,tell them tat you love them and tat you are working this hard for them and suddenly you will find them very understanding and supporting rather than shooting fireworks at you.Communication is all that is required.

The most rarest thing that you can find in this world is a heart that truly loves you and believe me,nothing in this world would compare to love, not even a ship full of money.A healthy dose of understanding and sacrifice from both the partners is all tat takes to make a relationship a fairy tale one.

Bottomline : Those who are too busy to spend time with their loved ones just try to find atleast little time to spend romantically rather than wasting lot of time fighting and worrying later.

Those who are too hesitant to ask for attention from their loved one,just try to open your window and throw out the ego and shyness and feel free to ask your partner to spend time.Afterall they are your love.

Remember,relationships are like plants.They will grow to be a tree and bear fruits only if you are willing to spend time to guide them,nurture them.Otherwise they will dry and die.

By,
Shriram Srinivasan